‘Just a quick question’: How to Protect Your Focus and Set Boundaries

“Just a quick question”: How to Protect Your Focus and Set Boundaries

The workday begins. Laptop on, a glass of hot water for the perpetually sore throat (thanks, Bangalore weather), and a round of good mornings to the other early birds. I settle in to check my work.

And there it is: the overnight test failed with some interesting logs. I’ve spent a week chasing this exact bug, and this could be the break I need. The water is getting cold, forgotten as I dive in, making notes, checking hypotheses. I’m getting close. A new idea starts to form, and I have a good feeling about this one.

I’m deep in the zone when a tap on the shoulder breaks the spell. “Coffee?” I politely decline, eager to get back. But before I can, another voice calls from across the desk about a different bug, sparking a discussion. I try to pull my focus back, but just like that, it’s gone. The thread of thought is lost, the promising idea evaporated.

The True Cost of ‘Yes’: Why I Believe Boundaries Are Non-Negotiable

At every company I’ve worked for, no matter what my role, I knew that if I left, my position would be backfilled. The machine is designed to keep running. But at home, to my wife, my son, my parents, and my friends, I am irreplaceable. There is no backfill for that role, and I wouldn’t want there to be. The memories I have of eating messy mangoes on the balcony with my wife, or telling my son terrible dad jokes—those are the things that stick. I can’t remember the details of the few weekends I worked in my entire career, but I can remember the taste of the mangoes. That’s the real currency.

Many a time, we think of multitasking as a superpower, but I’ve learned it’s not. Every time I’m pulled from a complex problem, I pay a tax. It’s not just the five minutes of the interruption. It’s the hour I lose reloading that complex problem, and the creative reflections lost forever in the switch. When that happens frequently enough, I end up paying more in taxes than I earn in actual progress. This isn’t just about lost productivity on a feature; it’s about what that lost time truly represents, and ultimately, one of those dimensions pays the price.

This isn’t a manifesto against hard, passionate work, though. I’ve had those nights: it’s 10 PM, the team chatroom is silent, and I’m fueled by coffee and the thrill of the chase. Those nights are memorable, but the key difference is that I chose to be there, driven by my own passion, not by poor planning.

The Fear of ‘No’: The Real Reasons We Struggle to Set Boundaries

So if the cost is so high, why do we so willingly give up our focus? Let’s be honest, saying “no” feels confrontational. We’re often wired to be agreeable, and the fear of social friction or being seen as unhelpful can easily outweigh the need to protect our time. This is compounded by the very real pressures of career and job security. It’s easy to worry, “If I say no, will it affect my performance review? Will I be passed over for a promotion?” So we say yes to everything, hoping that sheer volume of work will keep us safe.

We often treat our energy like a credit card with no limit, telling ourselves, “I’ll just push through this crunch period, and then I’ll rest.” But “later” is a moving target. Another project always comes up, and we rack up a “burnout debt” that can’t be paid off with a single long weekend. Sometimes this debt also comes from within: we make a mistake, misjudge a timeline, and our first instinct is guilt. Instead of being transparent, we try to overcompensate, throwing our evenings and weekends at the problem because we’re afraid to own our mistake and ask for help.

Breaking this cycle requires a different kind of inspiration. When I look for it, I think of Satya Nadella. He has often said that his perspective on life and leadership was fundamentally reshaped by his experience raising his son, who had cerebral palsy. He learned a deep sense of empathy at home that became the foundation for transforming Microsoft’s culture. In his own words:

“It has shaped my personal passion for and philosophy of connecting new ideas to empathy for others. And it is why I am deeply committed to pushing the bounds on what love and compassion combined with human ingenuity and passion to have impact can accomplish with my colleagues at Microsoft.”

This shows that he didn’t succeed in spite of his family commitments; he succeeded because of the efforts he spent with his family. He is living proof that bringing your whole self to your job is what creates great leadership.

How I Built the Confidence to Set Boundaries

For me, the confidence to set boundaries didn’t come from a place of arrogance (hopefully), but from a place of security.

Adopting the “Two Hats” Philosophy

I have a “Work Hat” and a “Home Hat,” and I try to treat both as equally important. By investing in my life outside of work—nurturing my relationships, pursuing hobbies—I’ve built an identity that is separate from my job title. I read voraciously, I’m a pianist, I’m an avid gamer. These have become my “re-create-ional” anchor. It reminds me that a bad day at work is just that—a bad day at work. It’s not a reflection of my entire worth. I’ve found that a strong family and a strong sense of self don’t distract from a strong career; they are its foundation.

Building My Career Confidence

A huge part of being confident at work is knowing that people have my back. Knowing my wife, family, and friends (my emotional anchor) will support me emotionally if I ever need to leave a toxic environment is incredibly empowering. It’s my psychological safety net, and it allows me to say, “This isn’t right,” without the paralyzing fear of being alone. It gives me the courage to stand up for myself, a gift for which I’m incredibly grateful.

Building My Financial Confidence

This is the most practical pillar of confidence. I realized the fear of losing a job is often, at its core, a fear of not being able to pay my bills. Hence, financial literacy was one of the most powerful tools that we (my Wife and I) learned. Our goal wasn’t to become wealthy (but hey, who’s complaining if we get there), but to create options for ourselves. Having an emergency fund, living below our means, and understanding our finances means that we are not operating from a place of desperation. I can make career decisions based on our well-being and long-term goals, not on short-term financial panic. This financial cushion is what turns the terrifying prospect of saying “no” into a calculated, and often wise, business decision.

Practical Steps That Have Worked For Me

OK, that’s a lot of philosophy! So, what do I do tactically on a day-to-day basis?

Reclaiming My Calendar

• Block and defend my focus time. I block “Focus Time” on my public calendar and I treat it like any other important meeting.
• “Do Not Schedule” blocks. I block out time for lunch, personal appointments and time outside work with “DNS” blocks. This helps prevent my entire day from being consumed by meetings and respects my time outside of work.

Reclaiming My Meetings

• Push back on ad-hoc meetings. I try to use polite replies like, “Could we handle this over chat so I can give it my full attention after my current task?” or “Happy to connect. Could you share a quick agenda so I can prepare?” You’ll be surprised at how many issues can be resolved over a couple of chats rather than spending 30 minutes in a meeting.
• Go asynchronous. For many recurring meetings, A shared document or a chat thread is more efficient for everyone. A lot of credit to my team for pushing me on this equally.
• Effective 1-on-1s. 1-1s are important to get a sense of the person. But they can easily digress into chit-chat. I try to create a shared agenda doc, ask the other person to add to it beforehand, discuss what’s needed, and end the meeting promptly.

Reclaiming My Time

• Dedicating time with family. Everyone (including your family) has a busy life. Aligning everyone takes effort, but it’s effort that’s well worth to do every day to keep nurturing that connection.
• Being conscious of social breaks at work. Socializing at work is important, but many times a quick chat is turning into a major time sink that will derail my whole day.
• Commit to a strict end-of-day time. This has been a game-changer. It forces me to be more efficient. The goal is to fit my work into the container I’ve set, not to let it expand indefinitely.

Reclaiming My Reputation

• Remind myself that a “no” is a “yes” to my existing commitments. I’ve come to see saying “no” as an act of responsibility. It allows me to protect the quality of my current work. I’ve also learned that my reputation is built on reliability. Delivering consistently on my promises, even if I take on less, has been far better for my career than over-promising and under-delivering.

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Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls or avoiding work, but rather about building a sustainable career. It’s about recognizing that my best work comes from a place of focus, not from a state of constant distraction. It’s about having the confidence to protect my time and energy so I can bring my best self to my team, and just as importantly, to my family.

This isn’t an overnight change. It’s a practice. If any of this resonates with you, I hope you’ll try one small thing tomorrow. Block consistent time with family every day. Say a polite “I can’t step away right now” to one request. It’s a small step, but neither Rome nor our lives are built in a day.